please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
