party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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