Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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