I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
