Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
