i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
