i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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