i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
