No, you can still breathe under the balls.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
