you guys were way drunker than both of me
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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