i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
