I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
