i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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