his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
