The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
