We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
