So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
