he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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