fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
