tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I just googled if crying burns calories
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
