oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
