Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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