I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
My vagina is officially offended.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
