no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
