she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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