I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Boobs speak an international language.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
