So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
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