Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
