we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
