Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
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