dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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