well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
