I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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