Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
