Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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