I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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