wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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