before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
We don't watch enough power rangers
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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