Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
You took a bar mat shot.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
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