just tell him i said nine months
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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