I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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