I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
