OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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