Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
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