xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
