We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
