so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
