So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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