This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
