Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Randomize
