I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Sober January is a disaster.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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